


Goodbye, Princess

by Koprix



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Hopefully even to you guys, I had to write this to get over it, I hope it helps, In Memory of Carrie Fisher, It struck me really hard, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 03:46:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9159022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koprix/pseuds/Koprix
Summary: A short Kylux oneshot where Kylo Ren finds out about his mother's death and he's trying to deal with it.Written as a tribute to Carrie Fisher.





	

It is an ordinary evening on the Finalizer. Kylo Ren is on the bridge, observing the situation. He usually doesn't do this – not in this time of a day, not really, but something feels different today. Something is... Wrong. He is marching around the observation deck in circles, realising how paranoid he's become since he and Hux started to date. It used to be innocent at the beginning, starting only as a couple of nights spent together, but recently it has started to become much more intense. Hux has been away only for a couple of days, visiting one of the secret First Order outposts on the Outer Rim. This particular outpost has only one specific function – it gathers all available information about the Resistance, storing it in the archive. Only few First Order members know about the facility and Hux with Ren are amongst them. It was the General himself who was called to come there as soon as possible to receive strictly confidential information and to discuss battle strategy, which has obviously changed. Or at least that's what Ren puzzled out from the pieces of information he's been given. He keeps watching the sky, observing it thoroughly, but seeing only TIE fighters flying around, probably with a new team of pilots who are training to be able to use them to their full potential.

 

Another couple of minutes pass and Ren finally sees what he was looking for. Hux's personal shuttle, jumping out of the light speed and approaching the hangar. Kylo is suddenly flooded with a wave of relief as he can feel the General's presence on the ship. The call from the station, Hux's departure, it has all happened so quickly and so suddenly that Kylo feared it could have been a trap. Only now he can see that he was worried for nothing, having to bite his lip to resist the urge to visit Hux right now in the hangar and to see with his own two eyes that his ginger lover is truly unharmed. He feels how the exitement is oozing from him and he can't believe he's actually missed the man so much already. He's really glad for his mask, so his face remains hidden from unwanted looks of the annoying and unimportant pests calling themselves officers. And this feeling only intensifies as he's approached by one of them several minutes later.

"Sir...?" the young lieutenant looks at him, trying his best not to look so scared, not being entirely successful.

"Yes?!" Kylo turns to him, sounding annoyed even through the mask. Why is someone bothering him in this situation?!

The officer gulps, stuttering: "Sir, I have a message from General Hux. He said he needed to gather the High Command, while you contact the Supreme Leader. He also said he would speak to you in person about the matters you should discuss with him."

Kylo looks at him, considering what to say for a second before simply answering: "Very well." Then he turns back to stare at the vastness of the space, not taking care of the lieutenant anymore, standing still and thinking until the young man leaves. Kylo stays in this position for quite some time, deep in his thoughts, until he finally hears the familiar voice of his ginger lover behind his back.

"Ren."

There's something odd about the tone of Hux's voice and it sends shivers down Kylo's spine. He hates the fact he's become so vulnerable around the General, making his best not to turn around to face him, as he feels like the whole bridge is staring at them.

"Did you get my message?" Hux asks, still sounding... weird. Kylo is trying to figure out the possible reason, trying to remember whether he's already heard the ginger like this.

"Yes," the Knight answers flatly, trying to sound more confident than he feels.

"Good..." There is a pause before the General speaks again. "So, I assume you did get my message about the Supreme Leader as well?"

"I did," Kylo nods. "What is going on, Hux?" he frowns under the mask. They are hardly ever the ones contacting Snoke first and there is always a very good reason for doing so.

Another moment of silence. "There has been a... development," the ginger admits unwillingly. "We must form a new strategy immediately."

"Then I'm sure you're the one to contact him, not me," Kylo snaps, more and more annoyed by Hux's tone of voice which is starting to freak him out. "I'm not the strategist here."

"No..." the General answers way more quietly than before, as if he suddenly didn't want anyone to hear them. "I feel there might be something he would like to discuss only with you."

"What are you talking about, Hux?!" Kylo clenches his fist, hating that his lover is taking his time with telling him what the fuck is going on.

There is another moment of silence, the longest of them all, before the ginger finally speaks in a quiet, caring voice. "Your mother has died, Ren. I... I'm sorry."

Kylo freezes immediately, suddenly at a loss for words. He tries to process the information at first, only to find himself slightly shaking, his fists clenched way more painfully than before.

"Kyl...?" Hux whispers, seeing that the information struck the Knight more than he anticipated. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine!" Kylo raises his voice, suddenly not giving a shit anymore that several officers are looking in his direction. "I will be in my quarters if you need me."

Hux wants to add something, but it's no use as Ren storms out of the bridge without uttering another word. However, even though the staff seems to be frightened of Kylo again, the General knows him so well already that he knows he's more upset than angry, deciding to give him a while before confronting him.

 

Meanwhile Kylo gets to his quarters, sitting on the bed as he feels his knees shaking, taking off the mask, putting it on the nightstand. He rubs his eyes, hiding his face into his palms, trying his best to calm down. The rational part of him knows that this is probably for the best since he's never doubted that sooner or later Snoke would send him to deal with her anyway, but he's starting to realise he's never counted with actually doing it – his mother has always been the most secret hope Kylo had and he was keeping it hidden deep inside that nobody would find out, hidden so well that he himself didn't really know about it. Until today. He catches himself getting desperate, suddenly not knowing what to do. He's alone now, alone for good. Of course, he has Hux, but that's... different. If he ever changed his mind and considered returning back to the Light, she wouldn't be there. She, from all the people, Kylo is sure, she's the only one who'd understand his struggle. He gets up, taking a deep breath, trying to force his knees not to shake so much, and opens his wardrobe with all his robes, boots and military equipment, opening the lowest drawer inside. Even though he's been avoiding it for a long time, trying to forget, he still doesn't need to look, he knows exactly where to touch to reach what he's been looking for. He takes it and returns back to sit on his bed, staring at it. It's an old family photo, with his parents embracing each other and young Ben standing in front of them, smiling happily at the camera. Kylo keeps staring and staring, noticing how much his hands are trembling, but he doesn't care, not now. He remembers how happy he used to be back then, before Snoke infested his mind. All those years he tried his best not to think about it, not to think about the fact he'd still possibly have a loving family if he decided to return. No matter what, his mum would always be there for him, always. Until now. Ren feels his lip shaking as he keeps looking at the picture when the door to his quarters opens and Hux enters, looking at him, sad expression on his face.

"Hey, Kyl..." he whispers, coming closer. "How you doing?"

"I'm fine," the Knight just shakes his head, his voice almost inaudible.  
"Kyl..." Hux sighs, sitting next to him, embracing him around the shoulders, noticing what he's grasping in his hand. "I'm so sorry, I really am. I know how much she meant to you."

"I'm FINE!" Ren raises his voice, but does nothing to actually push Hux away, feeling the tears forming in his eyes.

"I know..." the ginger whispers, taking his other hand, caressing it, looking at the photo again. "Can I take a look?"

The Knight only nods, supressing a sob, waiting a while before he's able to speak again. "How did she die?" he manages to force out of himself at last.

"She... she was on a way to the Senate when her ship was intercepted by one of our battlecruisers. Thanks to our spy we knew she was transporting some of the Resistance data, strictly confidential and very important, since she herself was in charge of the transport. It must have been something huge, because she'd never cooperated with the Senate before. We disabled and captured her ship, ready to retrieve the data and to take your mother hostage... But she was quicker, Kyl, I'm sorry... She blew up the whole ship, clearly determined not to let us find out at any cost... She must have known that even if she had managed to delete the data, we would have tortured her until she had eventually told us or died. I'm really sorry, Kyl, I know she meant a world to you." Hux whispers, pulling his partner into an embrace as he sees he's clearly about to cry.

Kylo grabs him convulsively, trembling, a loud sob escaping his lips at last. He bores his face into his lover's shoulder, crying and crying, not having a clue how much time has passed. "I... I loved her..." he finally confesses, feeling the terrible urge to tell anyone, almost as if saying it out loud could make it more real.

"I know... I know, Kyl, I know..." Hux keeps whispering right into his ear, kissing his neck gently, stroking his hair lovingly. "I know you wanted to see her one last time. But Kyl, _Ben_ , I'm here for you, as she would be, and I swear I'll do everything to protect you. That's what she'd want anyway, I'm sure. You, finding someone who loves you as much as she did." The General smiles at Kylo lovingly, pulling him into a gentle kiss, wiping the tears from his face away. "Remember, as long as you think about her, she won't be forgotten. And now, when she's one with the Force, she might possibly come to you as a vision, right? That's what the jedi do, don't they? Or the Force sensitives..."

"Possibly..." Kylo sobs, trying to calm himself down, incredibly glad for Hux's gentle words.

"You see, Kyl?" the ginger pulls him into another kiss, looking into his eyes deeply. "She's not gone. She'll always be with you as long as you want her to be," Hux smiles, caressing Kylo's cheek again, squeezing his hand which is still holding the photograph.

"And one day, I'm sure you'll meet her again."


End file.
